It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
