You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
