wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
