so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
