k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
