yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
