I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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