Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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