You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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