ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
is wine microwaveable?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Last time i carry you out of a forest
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
