return my video game
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
