so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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