I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Are we in a gay sports bar?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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