my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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