the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
