she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I fill condoms, not promises.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
