I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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