Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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