I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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