Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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