every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
