C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
