im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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