You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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