I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
