remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
