You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
