hotel room ftw
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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