I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I smell like Dick and happiness
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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