hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
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