Can Purell be used as lube?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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