just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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