Can i not drive my cunt home
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
