living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
