508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Duck Duck Cougar?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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