Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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