i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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