oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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