I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
