my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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