We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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