I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
