i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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