In the future we'll all be gay
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
