I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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