12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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