I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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