Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
