A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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