She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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