4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Too much gin, very little bucket
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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