I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
