remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
