I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
