Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
