im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
