please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
